Nearly Christmas

So it's nearly Christmas - I love Christmas and yet it is the most stressful time of the year for me. Trying to buy presents while not spending too much money, food shopping, visiting family, keeping the house tidy. I'm trying to focus on the true meaning of Christmas - the birth of the Lord Jesus Christ - the greatest gift of all. I just don't feel festive and yet I am determined that this will be a great Christmas.
It may not be our last and yet it may - but it will be our last 'normal' Christmas.
Dave is already struggling to eat, breathe and speak.
What is difficult alone is also hard with family because you cannot protect them or hide the stark reality.

I know alcohol is not the answer but sometimes it is so tempting.
I should pray but sometimes that is so hard.
I need support more than ever before but know that I must offer it to others.
I so want my family around me - not just the sons, bur parents, step daughters, brother and sister in law
But that is harder than not having them.
MND is really awful - no-one tells you about the staying awake at night listening to your loved one struggling to breathe, feeling helpless when they are struggling to eat and speak and are in pain.
You're not warned about the guilt you feel when you don't want them to suffer and that when you pray for healing it might not be the sort of healing that you want. You're not told how tired and helpless you will feel.
You want to take their place but can't.
You can't talk to them because they are in denial.
You can't watch the TV progs that you used to because they contain death.
It is all so bad - yet I will resist the depresson and focus on God and look for the positive. I will never be prepared.
I will try to be strong.
I will share my faith.
I will love my husband
Happy Christmas everyone.