Grieving

I have had the most bizarre few days. I have discovered that those I love most and need most are those who understand least.
I have spent the last few days with the members of my original  family unit - parents and brother.
At 89 & 90, with 70 years of marriage tucked under their belt, my parents don't understand the loss of a partner and they admit as much.
They are complex but amazing people and I could never truly do them justice if I tried to describe them. The people they are today are a strange variation of the people they used to be and it is all too easy now to see the faults that were somehow hidden when we were all younger. At this time in a person's life though you want to remember the good times and concentrate on their best attributes.
They have experienced a lot of deaths in their lifetime - siblings who never grew up, succumbing to flu and other childhood illnesses; they experienced war losing many family members and friends; as life progressed the majority of their relatives and friends have also died. I don't know if that makes death and grieving easier to handle. A naive part of me thinks it might. 
Some deaths, however, stand out; those of parents, partners and children. I don't believe that it is a competition as to which is worst. I think it would be to lose a child but I accept that that is my viewpoint and may not shared by all. We all react differently and that is natural.
For me, the loss of my husband was the first really close death that I have experienced that has had a life changing effect upon my life. I have lost aunts and uncles but we weren't really close and never saw much of each other. My grandparents are obviously no longer with us. They had quite an effect on me, they were loved and cherished, so were greatly missed but they didn't change my life beyond recognition.
So I, and my newly formed marital family unit, have had 25+'truly blessed years with no great tragedies to deal with. So for us the death of a husband and father was like a devastating earthquake in our lives. The whole foundation of our existence had suddenly exploded leaving us raw, lost and confused. We had nothing in our past experiences to help us cope.
So the last nearly 11 months have been a learning curve for us all. I would not presume that I know how everyone else in the family feels but I get the impression from conversations that most of them, like me, are finding that instead of improving with time it is actually getting worse. Lack of concentration and motivation being a couple of grief's manifestations, a fear of new situations, large gatherings and sometimes even leaving the house. This is not what we had expected.
So I return to this past weekend when I was told in not so many words that I should not be feeling like this. I should be 'moving on', 'getting out' and other such meaningless phrases.
The emotions behind these suggestions was different for each of the family members ranging from wonder and puzzlement to an almost unfeeling aggression and lack of care. 
I was reminded of the phrase that " actions speak louder than words" because platitudes of love and care were uttered later but when I reflect on the last 11 months I realise that there has been very little evidence to back these up.
My parents have, of course, done all they can given their age and physical frailty and I would expect no more of them. 
If anything, I try, and frequently fail, to not always confide in them as they have more than enough to contend with. 
The inner child, which I believe is inside all of us, would love, for just ten minutes, to be hugged and held tight by my parents and to be told that everything will be okay. But that is not going to happen. 
In reality, it is highly likely that I shall lose them both too in the not too distant future. 
So I am aware that as I grieve for Dave, events this weekend have also caused me to begin to grieve for the loss of the parent child relationship. I need to be supporting them so it is more a child parent relationship.
The biggest loss this weekend though I believe is the relationship with my  brother. 
He has not had an easy life and the break up of his marriage to the mother of his children was extremely acrimonious and as life changing as any bereavement. 
I'm not going to try to make comparisons and say which is or was the worst. 
Our parents were much younger and able to travel to stay with him and give practical and physical help but that is the only obvious comparison. 
But despite this, he does not seem to understand at all how I feel or why I need advice, help and support. And he doesn't seem to want to. 
We tried to build bridges but there seemed to be a lack of true warmth.
And so I feel that a relationship which was once one of my most treasured and which was unfortunately scarred deeply shortly after Dave's death is now mortally wounded and I grieve for that too.
My God, though, is bigger than my problems. He is a God of healing and miracles.
So having released my thoughts and feelings, I give them over to Him and in the name of Jesus ask for His blessing for my parents and for my brother and his family and ask that all will be well.