So life goes on

So life goes on and very little has happened but at the same time so much has happened. Life is such a rollercoaster of emotions. You cope with so much and yet the slightest comment or smallest event can cause an eruption or a collapse.
I wonder when everything started to go wrong - I thought I had a good life; that I was happy and content until I took to heart two comments that were spoken in passing this week.
The first was mention of a fulfilled life. So, what is a fulfilled life? I have had a job that I loved. I have raised a family - and my sons are truly amazing. They have already achieved so much more than I ever did; done things I have only dreamt of. They are not only more intelligent than I am they are also far more more responsible and sensible. They have a grasp on life that I never did and perhaps still don't.
But that is what I have done - but what haven't I done? I haven't prepared for this time of my life. I have no savings; no hobbies; no idea what to do; no self- confidence and no self esteem. So how should I fill my days? I cannot commit time on a regular basis to a worthwhile cause. There is a limit to how many books you can read or computer games you can play (no-one likes to play proper games with me). So how do I make my life fulfilled?
The other comment was tonight, while I was being less than charitable about a family member, when my son said, " But look at their life and what they're like."
So I thought  - they have been on numerous cruises; swum with dolphins,; holidayed in the Maldives; taken a helicopter over the Grand Canyon and the Serengeti; ridden on elephants; taken a limo journey in Las Vegas; they don't seem to worry about money; they holiday two or three times a year; they assume everyone will do as they want; they go out and they entertain; I could go on...... but jealousy is a bad trait.
It is so hard sometimes to look to the treasures that will last, that will not rust and cannot be stolen. It is hard not to be jealous of this life's treasures. It is when we are down and struggling that Satan preys on us most.
I am blessed as I know that there are many friends and prayer warriors out there protecting us in prayer - I cannot thank them enough.
I hope that I can be satisfied with what I have and not regret the things I haven't done; I hope that God will show me His purpose for this next phase of my existence. Perhaps my ramblings may even give hope to others who struggle too. So until the next time. maybe then we will have some results; some movement; some idea of what we are facing. Until then I pray that God will be my guide, my strength and that He will bless you all.